In This Moment

In the anticipation
The moment of months passed and months to come
The moment of a snapshot
The moment of a lifetime
The moment before knowing
The moment when a note fades
the time when a song is written

When you fall in love and climb out of that silly hole you stumbled into
In the moment of youth and youthful antics. foolishness. & selfishness
The weight of time crushing fleeting desire
The inch of a moment missed
The moment of a scream, tearing through the walls, coming from the heavens

The destructive, intoxicating moment.
of the hazy past, a sober present and a night of drunken calls ahead.

The slow instant of a calming rage that explodes in the confines of that enclosure

The instant of melancholy swallowing the winter sun.

The long anticipated moment that passed
as quick as a gunshot
a bullet ripping through your mouth. your mind.
no direction. no destination.

The moment between consciousness and dreams. you are there.

That silent ringing in your ears
the echoing emptiness
the darkness pounding your ears
that blinds you.
that darkness that shines so bright

The moment when a thousand puzzles are finished by one final piece

Collection of Poems from the Past

empire

likewise, in a trance
exhausting the souls of old spirits
running away, always looking back
assurance of the future

destruction & collision

three sheets to the wind

sailing the seas
towards the horizon
the sun setting on the day
humming songs from what was once called home
the winds pushing you back
the storm that came

seeds

scattered are the seeds
the seeds of roses
the seeds of lavender
the sunflower seeds
fed to the sea
picked away by newborn birds

justice

rip out the roots
fill the void
patch it with a makeshift
burn the foundation
tell them that its only for warmth
tell yourself that its for comfort.
find scraps of relics

old glory, never again.

cloud 9

between visits to the polar bear and the penguin
a parallel universe is created
chaotic, beautiful and twisted
this brave new world is vengeful
destroying tradition, destroying the past.
headstrong, diving headlong, head first
heading in its own direction.
its own destruction?
subconscious diction

the ruins lay
rebuilding
nostalgic
torn

all hope is dead
all hope is lost
destroy the future
chop of its head

see to the future.
the fall of an empire
the fall of the brave new world
the fall of Rome
the fall of America

the demise

recreate
carve out the flaws
forget.
a new blueprint

walk through the woods

sinking sinking sinking
suspended by loose strings.
sinking.
seeing a wall through the glass
a wall erected out of place.
the flawed impenetrable wall.
forged from the pushing of the ground
plates of the earth
serving the forces of the demise
to the meal of that generous creation
of building the wall.
fill the void
replace the void
suppress sound.
wipe it away.
rebuild

the owl is sent
the rabbits pass by
the lions roar
the foxes devise

remove the hat
remove the nest
remove the rest
remove the rat

listen, listen, listen.
to the smell of roast
smell
sniff out the sound of that water

move in a circle.
take the face, show the mask
wake to the dream
dream of the end.

move in a circle,
return to place it back
in the back.

must not
the pillar of salt become.

sinking.
rising
sinking.
rising
sinking.
sinking.

on the beach
replace the sand
walk out to the horizon
never stop

bury the feline.

rise to the flaming suits of clouds

over and over and over and over and over again.

and over and over and over and over again.

few more times.



blinders and the horse
no coat
firm and empty
iron knee to the face.

making sense
of feeling
of it

dont

croon
arise
repair
end

Destruction of Beauty

As the sun sets
The sky burns
Magnificent orange and blood red

The fog settles in like a smoky haze
Look down the street
With the air glowing
Fingertips and self-loathing.
The fog suffocating

It's as if nothing has changed.
Haunting me.

No regret.

Nothing has started but I've gone so far into the sea of clouds that refuse to show the moon Illuminating.

The Persistence

Where has time gone?
It seems to have melted off our walls
Vaporized from our hands

Learning to be lonely
In my own prison of time
Dragged

In this timeless void of my room
Take a walk with me into the fog
The endless mist. The endless smoke.
Take my hand pull me down.
Drown me.

Look inside.
Don't pry.
Just kill it.
Swirling in my head.
Just a bit too late.

Learning to be lonely.
This slow town.
Will it slow down?
A day to a week to a month to a lifetime




now that i've given it away.
my warmth is on me.
not what you've given me.
i hope you see that.
that maybe.
i see that its the both of us
that are cold.
who knows.
maybe your winter night is colder.
but your fires near.
and mine.
it's back there.
it'll take a few days to get back to.
this is the way it should be.
this is the way it was supposed to be.
3 years back.
now.
it's supposed to be my time.
i'll try it without you.
the way its supposed to be.

Rules of the Mosh

I think it is safe to say that I am a frequent concert goer. Since the summer before my sophomore year in high school, I think I have gone to about 25 shows. I'm into a variety of music but one of my favorite types of music is the hardcore/metalcore/metal scene. I think many of you know me well enough to know that I'm... a passionate person. Quite often that passion comes out too. One of my favorite things to do at shows, is mosh.

Now, lets take some time to differentiate between mosh and hardcore dancing: Both involve the pit, both involve extreme physical movement and both are ways to "enjoy" the live music. But the problem lies with hardcore dancing. Moshing, is a communal "activity" where all members of the mosh pit are aware of its de facto rules.

The rules involve:
Picking people up when they fall, everyone is supposed to stop and take action.
Helping girls out if they get pushed in, unless they want to be in.
Maximizing aggression as a group and pumping each other up and not aggression towards each other.

The thing about mosh is that its very giving, in a weird sense. Since it's hard to dance to extreme music, mosh is the next best option for concert goers. Running around and pushing each other, as stupid as it is, is the best way for people to have a physical thing to do at shows.

BUT hardcore dancing. The act of pushing people away so you can swing your arms in a chaotic frenzy, totally oblivious to who else is around you. Not only that but hardcore dancers looks just plain retarded. It is a selfish, angry thing to do. It doesn't invlove other people and it sure doesn't make many people happy when they cant mosh without getting punched in the face.

So please, I mosh, I don't dance. Learn the difference.

Fell in Love

Today, when I was going to Albersons to pick up a bottle of Dr. Pepper, I had a very... strange moment with a girl.

I was walking towards the store as she came out. I noticed that she was very pretty from far off and as we got closer, I began to stare at her. As I was looking over her face, our eyes met and locked. We were locked in this gaze... and it wasn't some weird staring contest. We were just looking. I think she was able to look right into me. I think I can say the same about what I saw in her too.

Whatever it was, I fell in love for 10 seconds today.

Short but sweet?

I didn’t have much time to write about actually being in Irvine at Irvine, so again, I’m writing on the train ride back. Right about now, there’s a girl sitting next to me across the aisle, snoring like my dad.

I last left off on my ride to Irvine, the trip since then has been… quite interesting. When I arrived at Mesa (UC Irvine’s freshman dorms), I headed to Christina Shak’s dorm to study while Conrad was in class. These few weeks have been the second wave of midterms for my UCI friends, so I decided to bring my math homework and my coloring assignment to join them in their studies. Funny thing is, this trip was the first trip that I had planned to Irvine. All the others were more or less last minute changes to my schedule.

I have so much, too much to say about Irvine. I'm so glad that Conrad is so accommodating whenever I go down. I'm so happy that the people I've met have been so awesome to me. This weekend was one of the best ever. I went to a long awaited show with a long time concert buddy (who is more than JUST a concert buddy), I got some lame college experiences out of the way and I got to sleep on the train.

It's hard to sum up in words my trips to Irvine. I'm going to give up. I have a few posts lined up on the topic of mosh pits, swimming and myself. Duh.


Next Post: Mosh Pits.